


Split down the middle

by Samstar1990



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Antonio is depressed and doesn't know it, Be aware its written as if set in the UK, Could be considered a heavy topic, Lovino is the kick in the pants he needs to sort out his life, M/M, Maybe will have smex in it if we feeling frisky, modern university au, other then that its a bad time with a happy ending!, there may be slight homophobic moments as well
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:14:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22962241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samstar1990/pseuds/Samstar1990
Summary: They couldn't wait a week?!It's amazing how much a single moment can change the course of your life. For the parents, it's finally freed from a marriage they could not bear. But for the kids, the damage may never be seen.Antonio just wants to get through life, no airs, and graces. Just education, job then passing on.Feeling the ever pressure of having to be in both parent's life, the emotional blackmail and struggling with mental health he never knew he had.A chance meeting in a coffee shop will send him on not just a journey to rediscover a reason to be happy, but to understanding himself and his sexuality.
Relationships: South Italy/Spain (Hetalia), Spamano
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Split down the middle

* * *

They couldn’t wait a week.

**They couldn’t wait a fucking week!**

* * *

What do you do when faced with this? It's a moment you joke about, a moment you feel pity over and wonder how you would react should the need ever come up.

But nothing prepares you for the moment it actually drops.

_ “Your mother and I are getting a divorce” _

People always used to say moments like this were like a window smashing, but it never came. The feeling that the media predicted was more of a fantasy than he could ever have imagined. All that was left was a feeling of nothing.  The sentence, the meaning, the feeling. He could only recall it being similar to the times his pets had passed on. Something you put love and time and energy into suddenly gone as if it never existed.

Siblings muttered angrily in the background, this had been a long time coming but everyone had ignored it. The little fights, the yelling that happened when they were drunk, the constant reassurance everything was ok. Antonio had come to think this was normal in a family, to the point arguments with his own brother mimicked his parents and they never noticed.

Before Antonio knew it, he was sitting on his bed willing any form of emotion. This was a dream, right? It just didn’t feel real but it was. They couldn’t wait a fucking week! was being echoed in his head and from the lips of his brother who was pacing the room next to him. When had he come in? How long had he been there? Who even fucking cared.

There was a noise. A simple gurgle from his own mouth and then everything collapsed on him and his cheeks became drenched in the revelation that it was all falling into place. The cracks that finally gave up and rocketed away from him. The sobbing turned to a wail, strange unceremoniously wailing, tears that drew his father near to try and console his child.

Arms wrapped tightly around his teenage body but Antonio could not bring himself to return it as he realised the back of his neck grew wet as well. Everyone was crying, everyone was angry or raging from emotion beyond belief.

The rest of the house outside Antonio’s room lay empty and silent, frozen in time from that final evening his mother had been there. The driveway empty; a hollow reminder, something that would never be filled the same way ever again.

There was no toll to signal the stupidity and pain that would lie ahead. But it was coming, like the tsunami barely visible on the horizon. Everyone forgets how this sort of thing affects kids. Or more, no one wants to think about kids having feelings at all when it suits them.

**His last week of being 18 robbed him of any joy this time of year could truly bring.**

It’s a weird kinda numb sensation getting on with your life after that. His last year of college was stressful enough and yet he couldn’t feel it. Like someone had stuck a cork in his emotional tube and the only thing he could emote was some form of pressure built up from being unable to feel. His mother already had a new man in her life, that’s where she went that night they officially broke it off, the circumstances surrounding that in itself soured that relationship in Antonio’s mind but for now, he spent time at his father’s house. His friends at school were seemingly oblivious to his plight or perhaps they were unsure how to deal with it.

He didn’t really recall telling anyone. But everyone knew.

There was also the fact that even though he was constantly forgetting tasks and homework, nearly panicking over his weird lack of foresight, not a single teacher reprimanded him and in fact encouraged him to turn things in later.  Every nerve prickled, the sound of every eggshell the world was standing on bore through him. He just wanted normality but not a single person in his life was willing to comply. He just wanted to sleep. He wanted to sleep his life away and have everyone fucked off. Not that anyone gave a shit about him anyway.

Slowly the 19-year-old slipped into last night surfing online, watching shows regardless of language just to fill the air with noise as he was passed between his mother and his father. It was his own decision of hell. No kid wants to be told to choose between their parents and in all honesty, a few more months and he would be out of the house and on his own, something he had never done before and yet he was desperate for it. Who cared if he chose to live with both of them.

* * *

A year later and he was free. In the first few months of his degree and experiencing a thousand new emotions, he began to feel happier finding feelings had seeped out of him again. The lesson ended and he gathered up a few items into his bag. Notes of an attempt to learn in an environment where he was in charge. Like most young adults the transition was difficult.

“Hey, Antonio!” A happy little voice caught his attention. A young girl coming up behind him, she wrapped her arms around his waist in a friendly greeting “That’s the last one for the day how bout we go into town this evening and drink our sorrows away! Or celebrate the beginning of student debt!”

“Hmm I dunno Emma, you might need to persuade me!” He teased flashing a large smile at her.

“Oh, I think I can do that! I can even promise to buy you at least two rounds? We can drop by that little place right by the town hall, it’s a live music event tonight”

“Serf Isle place? Who’s playing?”

“I have no idea” 

He rolled his eyes as she laughed playfully, Emma was one of the first real friends he had made when entering University and if it weren’t for her, Antonio knew his habits of the last year would mean sitting in his room night after night pretending he didn’t exist. She was like a weird kid sister he had never had and well eh what the heck when had he ever been able to say no to her?

“Alright alright, once again your amazing powers of persuasion have overwhelmed my simple male mind,” He said slipping his backpack onto his shoulders “Same time? After all, I assume you will need at least four hours to get ready”

“What are you trying to say! Ah, you bad boy!” Emma playfully scolded as the two wandered into the halls heading in the same direction out of the main university building. Students funneled in both directions busily chittering about their days. 

Antonio was a little envious as he picked up bits and pieces of conversations as well as staying on track with his own he was in the middle of. So many different paths all overlapping like a weave making the fabric of this so-called life, he was almost certain his thread was frayed and knotted and barely hanging on. He wondered what it would be like to see the world along the path that those individuals walked. Were they happier? It was a question he could never truly experience and yet lay heavy on his mind.

They exited from the building, the Spaniard holding open the door for the other without thinking only to receive another playful tease from Emma as she skipped a little towards the street side. The University wasn’t campus-based; the buildings for each course were spread across the city usually inside old refurbished factory buildings. This meant that the student had a more integrated life with the locals whether that be a good thing or a bad thing.

Many of the people who visited the city center passed by in the midst of their own duties. It was around the time of day that office workers began the journey home and because of that, the streets held much heavy traffic. Antonio tense and cringed internally, he hated having to get through crowds. No regards for another person and if they weren’t elbowing you in the face they were standing in your way like oblivious sheep. His companion noticed the tensing and looped her arm in his and smiled.

“Hey come on, it's not that bad! I’m here for you!”

Before he knew it though Emma was waving him off and heading in the opposite direction towards where she was staying, not like it would be the last time they saw one another. After all, they were going to have a nice evening out, most likely also including her brother, her housemates and several strangers she befriends as she goes. Antonio really hadn’t met anyone so outgoing, but as she disappeared from view a sigh left his lips and the forced smile slipped away.

Like fuck, he wanted to go out drinking but he knew if he didn’t that class would get awkward. No one likes a loner. Why couldn’t he just sleep through life again? When had being happy become so exhausting anyway? Eyeing the string of coffee shops at varying intervals along the long road back to his accommodation; perhaps a fix would help him through the night.

There were five possible shops of the same chain he could go to and it varied on his mood which one he eventually visited however he did have a favourite. About two thirds down the street the road turned into a pedestrianised area, mostly to encourage shoppers into the area away from a large shopping center one town over. It was a very pleasant area. Here there was a slightly large coffee place with several tables, to people watch from. It was mostly a home from home if he wanted to be antisocial in public.

As he entered the store his phone buzzed alerting him to a message. He slid it out of his pocket and glanced over the notification. The recipient said it was his mother and he wasn’t in the mood to play emotional blackmail bingo. If anything he would just tell her he was in class like she could call him out of something she didn’t understand.

As he pulled the screen from his face something caught his eye. A small sticker decal on the lid of a laptop of a small cute version of a girl with pink hair. Antonio recognised it from a recent show he had seen and before he knew it, the words slipped out.

_ “Oh cool, that Anika!” _

Then there was a chuckle. Snapped back to reality Antonio realised what he had spoken out loud and flushed embarrassed as the owner of the laptop looked over at him. A male about his age, brunette, golden eyes. He looked over the lid at his own decal and back to Antonio. The Spaniard turned away abruptly, embarrassment seeping from him as he hurried to make his drink order and leave. He never talked to strangers, he never had the nerve since everything happened so why now?!

_**Order, cup to go, done!** _

He turned on his heel without a second thought and raced for the exit passed the guy. Just a little further and then he could be home free, but the decal got his eye again, which led him to lock with those golden orbs.

Then everything seemed to grind to a halt. He was stunned.

“You like Cherry Girls?”

The guy’s voice broke through his stupor, all he had to do was nod, smile and leave. This wasn’t his realm of comfort and Antonio didn’t want to take up any more of the other’s time. But the guy motioned to the chair next to him “It’s nice to meet someone else who knows about it”

That was an invitation. Anxiety bubbled in the pit of his stomach and yet the stupor blanked his mind and bam! He was in the chair, cup on the table forcing a friendly smile as the guy clicked a little on the keys and closed the lid. Ok, maybe he could at least be a little friendly with the guy, even if all his knowledge from Reddit forums and youtube videos told him these were red flags.

Or maybe he was the red flag in this situation

“I’m Lovino, it’s nice to meet you” 

The hand hovering in front of him, waiting for the polite greeting to be returned and all Antonio could here was panicked static.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my first modern-day set fanfiction. 
> 
> I hope you continue to enjoy reading it. At the moment I have no idea how long this fic will go on for or when it will end.
> 
> It may get very heavy at points but don't worry we can cry together!
> 
> Also please note that any and all shows that are referenced do not exist. Since they are not that important. I made them up 
> 
> Until the next chapter!


End file.
